Two Simple Rules When Going Out To Dine

Servers are not magic genies.  Therefore, if you decide as I place your entrée down that you don’t want onions on it, I cannot instantly fix it.   I have been desperate enough to try and channel Barbara Eden by blinking my eyes, and trust me- it does NOT work.

Restaurants are not day care providers.  “Kid’s night” does not include a chicken finger meal and babysitting fees.   This means that you should tell your child no when they want to pull the table skirt off and pretend it’s a dress.   Also not recommended is WWF wrestling in the middle of the dining room and saying it’s fine if they have a fourth Mountain Dew.   I would also advise taking any sugar off the table because I’ve seen packets eaten like pixie sticks or dumped in their already sugary soda.

You know how establishments keep track of people who write bad checks?  They keep track of other types of people also….

Success=Who You Are

I’ve been missing for awhile and I’m sure all of my eight followers have been wondering where I’ve been.  Ironically, I haven’t been blogging because I’ve been working so much.  But I’m also trying to do you a favor by not polluting my bad attitude into the world right now.   Let’s face it- lately the economy sucks.

I’m definitely not the only person that has had unfortunate luck with the world of work.  I was talking to a friend’s husband recently (who ironically has the same degree as me) about how we feel like we are going backwards.   I mean- a lot of people are servers to get themselves through school.   I didn’t think I would be a server eight years after I graduated from college.

I think as a society we put a lot of definition on what we do for a living= what your success is.  Or maybe it’s just me.  Recently, I had two acquaintances I went to high school with come to eat where I work.  My first thought?  I’m kind of embarrassed this is where I am fifteen years after I graduated high school.  I almost felt like I had to justify what I’ve been doing all these years.  ‘Yes-  I did go to college and have a degree.  And I’m also working on getting published and I have a great husband and…’

I realized in that moment that I was letting what I do define me as a person and what my success in life is.   And it shouldn’t be.  It should be how I’m living my life and what kind of person I am that defines my success.  And if someone else doesn’t understand that- well, then they’ve never waited on people for a living….

Top Five

Here, in no particular order, are five quirky work/dating stories for your enjoyment that I have personally experienced or heard firsthand…

·         I once witnessed a lady pull a few strands of her hair out and place them in her food.  She then promptly called the manager over to complain and request a free meal.

·         I use to work as an Admissions Representative at a college and I once had a person approach me and ask if we offered a degree in Electric Shock Therapy.

·         There was a manager that I worked with that I swear didn’t know how to tell time.   I would tell him we were having a meeting at 1:45 and he would say, ‘No, we are meeting at a quarter till two.’

·         I had a job where I would critique resumes so people could find jobs.   I had to repeatedly explain that email addresses like whitetrash and sexychocolate were not appropriate unless you planned to work in a strip club!

·         I had a friend set me up on a blind date and the guy was completely obnoxious.  Within the first few minutes of meeting, he said I had “just made the cut.”   When I asked what he was referring to, he said that he has three rules:  1) Woman must live alone  2) Woman must be twenty-one  3) Woman must not like foo-foo drinks.   Hmm.. let me interpret- you want a woman legally old enough to get drunk on cheap liquor and then crash at her place.  Lucky me!

Reality Bites

As the fall lineup of new shows get closer, I realize more and more how pathetic our society is getting about trash TV.   And I’m not innocent in the matter.  Whether it’s out of boredom or utter disbelief that people will do anything to get on TV, I watch my fair share of reality crap.    But I’ve started realizing how it’s starting to affect people’s perception of work and finding love.   Because of the useless “talent” of Kim Kardashian and Snookie, our youngest generation is now wondering if their dream should be to attain a reality show rather than go to college and get a real job.   And what’s worse- they are getting rewarded for it.   Not only does Snookie get a ridiculous amount of money, she has “written” a book, “designed” shoes and “acts” on commercials.     

And take the reality “love” show The Bachelorette.  One of the most recent scandals is that a male contest, Bentley, intentionally deceived the show’s star Ashley.  To Ashley, he was sweet and tried to win her over.  But to the cameras?   He called her names and said he was out to hurt her.   While no one will ever know what his true intentions were, it’s clear that he was not out to find love.  Perhaps that his name is Bentley should have been an indication that he is vain and wants the finer things in life.

Reality- it can sure bite.

The Sue Heck Syndrome

As I continue to interview and apply for jobs, I try to stay optimistic.  But it’s hard.   And I’ve started to wonder- is there a point where you give up?  Or do you continue to just smile and keep trying?

I’ve always respected people that not only fall down, but get up even though they have scraped and bleeding knees.   This reminds me of the fictional character Sue Heck from the hit comedy “The Middle.”   Sue isn’t good at very much.  The only sport she has ever made is track because they let anyone on the team.   And as far as trophies- her one and only is for having perfect attendance.  But she keeps smiling.   Is that to be admired even though she is ignorant and doesn’t realize she stands a chance?

Am I a version of Sue Heck as I look to find the right career?   And if so, is that something to be admired?

The Gambling Waitress

 As I wrap up another exhausting week of waiting tables, I’ve realized that a lot of servers are similar to gamblers.  Waiting tables can sometimes have a great payoff.   I once had a lady on Christmas Eve leave me a thirty dollar tip on a bill that was thirty dollars!   But waitressing has risks and sometimes you not only make crappy tips, but lose money.  Let me explain.   At one restaurant I worked at, a server was required to “tip out” bartenders and hosts/hostesses a percentage of their sales.   So if you have a couple of tables that stiff you, you are still required to pay the “tip out.”   That means that you are actually losing money!   Another place I worked at, you weren’t required to give any of your tip money to other co-workers.   But here’s the risk.   If you’re too cheap to fork out five dollars at the end of the night, a busboy can make your life a living hell.  They will bus the tables first of the servers they know are going to take care of them. 

      One gamble servers often make is whether or not to take a guaranteed gratuity on large tables.  Most restaurants have a rule that a server can add an automatic gratuity on tables of eight or larger.  The consensus from many co-workers is that they would rather not take the guarantee and chance if they will make more money by going with the traditional tip.  Sometimes it pays off.  Other times you are horribly disappointed.   The worst insult a customer can do is leave change.  That is deliberate- and sending a direct message to the server-you suck!   A server can at least comfort themselves when there is no tip by telling themselves that the person just forgot.

Hmm… maybe servers need to start attending gamblers anonymous??! 

The Low Talker

As my wedding anniversary approaches, I started thinking about how much marriage encompasses the qualities of both love and work.   As much as my husband and I love each other, sometimes I think we make it our mission to annoy each other.  I have repeatedly told him that I hate the animal abuse commercial that has the Sarah McLaughlin song crooning in the background.   His response?  Get over it- the game is coming back on and I don’t want to miss the score.  My retaliation?   I’ve discovered that if the napkin holder is not pushed up exactly against the counter, he has to fix it.   So if I’m having a day where I want to aggravate him, I’ll pull it out, wait for him to fix it and then repeat.

My husband likes to be more creative.   Case in point- the margarita bucket.   I bought a margarita mix that came with recipe instructions printed on the bucket.   One day I went to put something away and the mix was in the cabinet with no bucket.   Do you know where I found it?   By the pool area holding chemicals.   Apparently, there were no other options in the house.   So if I invite you over for margaritas and you wonder why I’m going to the pool to make them, you now know.

One thing my husband has been inflicted with is low talking syndrome.  (This really shouldn’t be a surprise since he also has deaf man syndrome).    I believe he is a distance relative of the low talker on Seinfeld.   This has caused many misunderstandings over the years although to my knowledge I haven’t agreed yet to wear a puffy shirt.   It usually goes something like this.  ‘What would you like for dinner?’    Mumble Mumble.   ‘What did you say?’   Slightly louder mumble mumble.   By the third take, I’ve given up and then he claims he told me that he wanted tacos for dinner so how come we’re not having them?

Marriage- it’s both love and work.   Oh and by the way- the margarita bucket has a new home.  It’s now under the kitchen sink with sponges in it.