Reality Bites

As the fall lineup of new shows get closer, I realize more and more how pathetic our society is getting about trash TV.   And I’m not innocent in the matter.  Whether it’s out of boredom or utter disbelief that people will do anything to get on TV, I watch my fair share of reality crap.    But I’ve started realizing how it’s starting to affect people’s perception of work and finding love.   Because of the useless “talent” of Kim Kardashian and Snookie, our youngest generation is now wondering if their dream should be to attain a reality show rather than go to college and get a real job.   And what’s worse- they are getting rewarded for it.   Not only does Snookie get a ridiculous amount of money, she has “written” a book, “designed” shoes and “acts” on commercials.     

And take the reality “love” show The Bachelorette.  One of the most recent scandals is that a male contest, Bentley, intentionally deceived the show’s star Ashley.  To Ashley, he was sweet and tried to win her over.  But to the cameras?   He called her names and said he was out to hurt her.   While no one will ever know what his true intentions were, it’s clear that he was not out to find love.  Perhaps that his name is Bentley should have been an indication that he is vain and wants the finer things in life.

Reality- it can sure bite.

The Sue Heck Syndrome

As I continue to interview and apply for jobs, I try to stay optimistic.  But it’s hard.   And I’ve started to wonder- is there a point where you give up?  Or do you continue to just smile and keep trying?

I’ve always respected people that not only fall down, but get up even though they have scraped and bleeding knees.   This reminds me of the fictional character Sue Heck from the hit comedy “The Middle.”   Sue isn’t good at very much.  The only sport she has ever made is track because they let anyone on the team.   And as far as trophies- her one and only is for having perfect attendance.  But she keeps smiling.   Is that to be admired even though she is ignorant and doesn’t realize she stands a chance?

Am I a version of Sue Heck as I look to find the right career?   And if so, is that something to be admired?

The Gambling Waitress

 As I wrap up another exhausting week of waiting tables, I’ve realized that a lot of servers are similar to gamblers.  Waiting tables can sometimes have a great payoff.   I once had a lady on Christmas Eve leave me a thirty dollar tip on a bill that was thirty dollars!   But waitressing has risks and sometimes you not only make crappy tips, but lose money.  Let me explain.   At one restaurant I worked at, a server was required to “tip out” bartenders and hosts/hostesses a percentage of their sales.   So if you have a couple of tables that stiff you, you are still required to pay the “tip out.”   That means that you are actually losing money!   Another place I worked at, you weren’t required to give any of your tip money to other co-workers.   But here’s the risk.   If you’re too cheap to fork out five dollars at the end of the night, a busboy can make your life a living hell.  They will bus the tables first of the servers they know are going to take care of them. 

      One gamble servers often make is whether or not to take a guaranteed gratuity on large tables.  Most restaurants have a rule that a server can add an automatic gratuity on tables of eight or larger.  The consensus from many co-workers is that they would rather not take the guarantee and chance if they will make more money by going with the traditional tip.  Sometimes it pays off.  Other times you are horribly disappointed.   The worst insult a customer can do is leave change.  That is deliberate- and sending a direct message to the server-you suck!   A server can at least comfort themselves when there is no tip by telling themselves that the person just forgot.

Hmm… maybe servers need to start attending gamblers anonymous??! 

The Low Talker

As my wedding anniversary approaches, I started thinking about how much marriage encompasses the qualities of both love and work.   As much as my husband and I love each other, sometimes I think we make it our mission to annoy each other.  I have repeatedly told him that I hate the animal abuse commercial that has the Sarah McLaughlin song crooning in the background.   His response?  Get over it- the game is coming back on and I don’t want to miss the score.  My retaliation?   I’ve discovered that if the napkin holder is not pushed up exactly against the counter, he has to fix it.   So if I’m having a day where I want to aggravate him, I’ll pull it out, wait for him to fix it and then repeat.

My husband likes to be more creative.   Case in point- the margarita bucket.   I bought a margarita mix that came with recipe instructions printed on the bucket.   One day I went to put something away and the mix was in the cabinet with no bucket.   Do you know where I found it?   By the pool area holding chemicals.   Apparently, there were no other options in the house.   So if I invite you over for margaritas and you wonder why I’m going to the pool to make them, you now know.

One thing my husband has been inflicted with is low talking syndrome.  (This really shouldn’t be a surprise since he also has deaf man syndrome).    I believe he is a distance relative of the low talker on Seinfeld.   This has caused many misunderstandings over the years although to my knowledge I haven’t agreed yet to wear a puffy shirt.   It usually goes something like this.  ‘What would you like for dinner?’    Mumble Mumble.   ‘What did you say?’   Slightly louder mumble mumble.   By the third take, I’ve given up and then he claims he told me that he wanted tacos for dinner so how come we’re not having them?

Marriage- it’s both love and work.   Oh and by the way- the margarita bucket has a new home.  It’s now under the kitchen sink with sponges in it. 

Married Man Seeking Married Woman?!!

Have you ever smelled something that brings back such a vivid memory?    There is something about the air of a summer night- especially when it’s slightly humid.    It reminds me of carefree times when I would go out and drink beer at festivals and wonder if it was going to be the night I would meet my future husband.  In essence- summer reminds me of possibilities. 

So maybe that’s why this time of year I restart my hunt to find my friend the perfect guy.   Let me correct myself.  Not perfect- but perfect for her.   I have encouraged her to use dating sites, go on blind dates and try speed dating.   I definitely had my share of unusual dates.   One guy I found on Yahoo Personals suggested we meet at a local bar.  He was a good looking guy- dark with a nice physique.  He should have just kept his mouth shut though.   As he slurped the last couple of drops out of his Budweiser bottle he said, ‘Sorry hon, I would offer you a drink but all I have left is spit.’  Uh, gross.  And I guess laying down three dollars for my very own bottle was out of the question?

And then there was the guy I went on a date with who was a bank customer.   My married co-worker at the time was reliving her single life through me, so she wrote my phone number on his receipt.   He called and we had a typical courtship.  We went out to dinner, we talked on the phone and then his girlfriend left a message on my answering machine that she was going to, ‘Kick my !%$!’  

One dating site I didn’t encounter when I was single was AshleyMadison.com.   Ironically, the site was launched the year I met my husband in 2001.   The tagline of this great matchmaker?  “Life is short.  Have an affair.”   Yes- this website is targeted for married people and boasts of providing a service for discreet encounters.  They even have an Affair Guarantee Program and give tips on how to have an extramarital affair.  Aww- how sweet and helpful.

Cheating is awful- but planning to cheat, that’s a whole new level.  And there’s a company out there that encourages it?!   The site claims that they are not doing anything wrong or making things easier- people that utilize the service were going to cheat anyways.   That’s like targeting alcoholics or drug users.  Oh- they’ll eventually break, so why not capitalize off of it?

In an age where it’s getting harder to find (and obviously keep) a mate, shame on you AshleyMadison…..

Chutes and Ladders

I was channel surfing the other day and I settled on the episode of Friends where Rachel turns thirty.  Have you seen it?    To sum it up, she’s down in the dumps about the big 30.  She isn’t married, has no kids and Chandler thinks he’s being funny when he gets her a birthday card that says, “Happy Birthday Grandma.” 

I can kind of relate because my birthday is just around the corner.  But mine is the big 33.   I can’t even “accidentally” turn around the numbers like my 32^nd birthday.  I have the married part down, but have no kids as of yet and am unemployed.  Not exactly where I pictured myself at this age.

So I’ve started the great interviewing process again.  It’s sooo much fun.   One of the places I interviewed at I was told they don’t take lunches and at another one I had a guy snort when I said I missed work once because my cat died.   Obviously not an animal lover….  I’ve always had a history of interesting job stories.  I had an employer once call me only to tell me to stop sending them resumes!   Another place I interviewed at not only had three people interviewing me, but I also simultaneously interviewed with two other candidates.  I felt like a game show contestant because once a question was asked, the first one to “buzz in” got to answer.   I guess I didn’t win the show because I didn’t get the job.

Remember the games Chutes and Ladders?  I like to think of life like that game.   For those of you that are not familiar, you can land on a chute that will send you almost back to the beginning of the game, or a ladder that will send you so far up you can win the game.   I like to think my ladder is around the corner…

Is it Friday yet??!!!

In honor of David Letterman (even though I am more of a Leno fan) I have compiled my own top ten of gross, funny and unbelievable work stories.  Some of these I have personally experienced, while others I have heard second hand.   It’s a scary world out there…..

Ø  I had a co-worker who would eat the grossest things for lunch.   One time he opened a can of peas and ate them cold, took out an onion and started eating it like an apple and then poured the pea juice in a separate cup and drank it.   Needless to say, he smelled like death…

Ø  I had a co-worker who told everyone in her department that they were not allowed to get flowers due to her allergies.   When she had flowers delivered to her and someone questioned her on it, she said it was okay for her to get them because she knows all of her allergies…

Ø  I use to have a co-worker talk about a certain leaky body part while we were eating lunch.  Bon appétit!

Ø  I decided to take a hostess job at a well-known restaurant that sells chicken wings.  During one point of our training, we had to “bawk” like chickens.  I thought, is this what my life has come to?

Ø  While working a temporary job, I had an employee come up and tell me she thought she was allergic to my perfume and asked if I would not wear it.  Although I was a little irritated, I understood her predicament.  After lunch she came up to me and said she was also going to need me to change my hairspray, deodorant and possibly my shampoo and conditioner.   Didn’t she realize I was doing temporary work?

Ø  I had a customer come in and tell me she wanted to show me her baby pictures.  I had no idea she was going to show me a picture of her sprawled out naked while she was giving birth!!  I never looked at her the same…

Ø  While working for a well-known lingerie store, I had a guy come in to buy some bras for his wife.  After giving him some suggestions, he looked around and came back to me with two: a 34A and a 34D.  When I told him there was no possible way those would both fit the same person he said, ‘At least I got her something this year.’  I would have liked to see the look on her face!

Ø  I worked at a lingerie store and around Valentine’s Day it was crazy busy- mostly with clueless looking guys.  One time when I came in for my shift, a guy was trying to undress the mannequin and was having a panic attack because it was the only size left in the store.

Ø  We use to have two customers who we knew frequently car pooled together.  When one of them decided she didn’t have money to give her for gas, the other responded she was going to set her house on fire.

Ø  When I worked at a casino, we use to have a lot of fights over the slot machines.   I once witnessed a lady pee her pants because she wasn’t going to “give up” her slot to a lurker that had been scoping it out.