Rules for Running into an X

Even though I’ve been happily married for eight years, running into an ex-boyfriend is about as much fun as having my eyeballs poked with toothpicks. Anyone that has ripped my heart out and then cooked it on their George Foreman grill is not enjoyable to see. And almost without doubt the following rules always seem to play out.

1)       When you see the aforementioned boyfriend you will always look your worst.  This can include any of the following: looking like a sweaty rag because you just came from your Zumba class, having a zit on your face the size of a personal pan pizza or looking like you haven’t bathed in a week because you just came from a massage.

2)      You will always be alone.  You will never be with your new hot boyfriend or husband.  You are generally not even with friends so you can at least laugh and pretend that life is awesome.  (Well, you can still try to laugh and pretend that life is awesome but you will just look like a crazy person.)

3)      It will always be the most awkward situation possible.  Ex: I had been married to my husband for about a year when I discovered that my sister-n-law’s first cousin was my ex-boyfriend.  Weird thing # 2- His ex-wife happened to date my husband in high school. Awkward thing # 3- I got to have a chance meeting with my ex at his grandmother’s funeral when I decided to stop by to pay respects to my sister-n-law.

Now-if you are one of the lucky ones that have been able to run into your X with your sexy look-alike Matthew McConaughey boyfriend while looking like you walked off the Victoria’s Secret runaway, consider yourself blessed!